One of the ways we tend to look at things is by thinking that if we do not do something by a certain time, we’re a failure. It is called “All-or-Nothing” thinking, and most of us indulge in it at times in our lives. Although, if we do think about it closely, we realize that it is not true, we don’t tend to think about it closely. We just accept it as being the way things really are.
I recently worked with a veteran who told me he felt he was a failure because he would soon be 40 years old and he was still unmarried. He was successful in every other area of his life, but he felt he was a total failure because he had not found the right woman, married and had children. He had told himself throughout his life that this was a goal he had to meet.
I suggested he try the PTSD Coach website that the VA offers. On the site, he was able to print out a worksheet and then work through this thought pattern. Once he considered it, he realized he wasn’t a total failure because he had not found the woman of his dreams, he was holding out for a relationship that was balanced and healthy. That made him a success! He was also able to see that he had met his goals in many other areas of his life, and that turning 40 without being married didn’t mean he was a failure.
PTSD Coach is a good tool for helping you cope with PTSD. Please consider using it to examine your own thoughts and challenge those that are not healthy and are holding you back from finding peace.