Living with PTSD certainly has challenges! I accept that I have changes in my brain chemistry due to how my body responded to long term trauma, but I’m not sure other people really understand what that means. With PTSD, my body remains in a state of “fight or flight” continuously, and I am more easily irritated because I am already mentally aroused and ready to defend myself at all times. I think most people think of PTSD as a state of “mental fatigue,” and that it’s something that we should just “get over.” That’s not the reality of living with PTSD.
PTSD means that I’m wired now to respond to threats in the blink of an eye. That means that alertness-wise, I’m on my toes ready to run or do battle all the time. It’s an exhausting way to live, and the thing is, it’s not by choice that I live this way. It is something I cannot control.
In the long run, having this response makes sense to me. It is a form of ensuring survival of the species. If you are on your toes all the time waiting for something to happen, then when it does, you are able to react more quickly. That response time may just save your life. I guess that’s the upside of having PTSD…if there is an upside.
The thing is, if you have PTSD, your life is different, you respond differently to perceived threats, you live on the edge. That is the reality. I can’t “get over” this. It is a part of my life. The reality is that PTSD is part of who I am whether I like it or not. Fortunately, over time it becomes easier to live with.